Addie's sleep had gotten progressively worse over the last month. She was waking up 4-5 times a night and it took her a good 30-60 minutes to fall back asleep each time. She was unable to put herself to sleep so we would rock/bounce/shush like crazy until she passed out, then we ohhh so carefully put her in the crib, which would inevitably wake her up...and the process would start over again.
Apparently, we all wake up partially throughout the night, but we adults don't usually notice it--we just adjust our blanket or turn over, and go right back to sleep without ever actually waking up completely. Babies do this too, but more often (every hour), and while some babies naturally learn how to put themselves back to sleep, others (like Addie) did not.
The analogy is this: let's say you fall asleep in your nice comfy bed, but all of a sudden you wake up on the living room floor. You try to get back into your bedroom, but you can't do it without getting someone's help to unlock the door. You get back into bed, fall asleep again and the next time you wake up--living room floor again. If this happened all the time, you'd undoubtedly be suspicious of falling asleep and fight it for fear that the next time you'd wake up you'd be in the undesirable situation again (reminds me of the movie "Groundhog Day"). Well this is what happens when babies are rocked to sleep in your warm, cozy arms (your bed) and then they wake up in the hard surface of the crib (living room floor) and they need your help to get back to sleep (unlock the door).
So Addie was not only unable to fall asleep on her own, but she was fighting sleep, and when she did arise from those brief intervals during the night, she would rouse herself completely. She was exhausted and less smiley than usual, and we were exhausted and less smiley than usual. Something had to be done, so after a LOT of research, reading 4 different sleep books, and some preparation (such as unswaddling her), we started "Ferberizing" Addie on Tuesday night. Ferberizing means putting the baby to bed sleepy, but not asleep, and letting them learn to fall asleep on their own. They usually cry, which is hard to take (trust me that I (Monica) cried a good bit, too) but you don't just abandon them until they fall asleep, you check back in on them in progressively longer intervals--assuring them that you love them and are always there--but you don't pick them up, just rub their heads or bellies, and speak comfortingly to them.
The first night you go back in after 3 minutes, then 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 10 until they fall asleep. Addie's first night wasn't perfect, it took her 30 minutes to fall asleep (which was quicker than we anticipated) and she woke up 3 times through the night, and went back quickly the first two times (within 10 minutes)! The last time was up for a good while, which was hard. But the 2nd and 3rd nights, Addie only woke up once during the night for food. ONCE! We never did this method to get her to sleep through the night, I'm more than happy to feed her if she needs it, but we really wanted her to learn to put herself back to sleep...and she did!
To give you a comparison, I'll give you the schedule of wakings from the Tuesday night before we started the Ferber program (and Steve was working 2-weeks of a night shift at the hospital, so this is allll me): (note, each time I had to bounce her back to sleep)
Put Addie to bed at 7:00pm
Up from 7:45-7:50
Up from 8:00-8:10
Up from 9:15-9:50 (feeding at 9:30)
Up from 11:10-12:10a
Up from 1:20-1:45 (feeding at 1:30)
Up from 4:45-5:35 (ate at 5:00, diaper change)
Awake for the day at 7:15a
Ugh...right? Clearly she wasn't getting enough sleep either!
Last night:
Steve put her to bed at 8:00p (I was out with friends) and she fell asleep within 10 minutes
I fed her at 9:30p (because she didn't eat much from the bottle he gave her at bedtime)
She woke up at 4am, I fed her, put her back down and she put herself to sleep with NO crying
She woke up at 7am, I fed her, put her back down and she put herself to sleep with NO crying
Awake for the day at 8am.
Um...VERY different, huh?
Some people who are anti-"cry-it out," as some people label this method, argue that the children become clingy and fearful as a result of feeling abandoned.
I took these photos this morning--tell me, does this little smiley bear look fearful to you?
So she's sleeping much better, we're sleeping much better, and everyone is very happy that she learned SO fast. No, it's not fun to hear your child cry and not do whatever you can to help them to stop as soon as possible, but I strongly believe that this was what we had to do. There may be hiccups in the future. If she's sick or in pain from teething, we certainly won't let her
cry it out, and often kids "regress" on what they learned during illness or sleeping in another place on vacation, for example. But we have faith that she can do it and that she'll be a healthier little baby from getting such good sleep. And no one will be driving off the road from LACK of sleep in the Silvestro household.
And to quote from a very serious and somber movie, "Meet the Fockers":
Roz: I think that baby might need a couple pulls on that knocker of yours, Jack.
Jack: No, it's OK, we're Ferberizing him.
Roz: You're what?
Jack: The Ferber method. You let him cry it out, this way he doesn't depend on coddling.
Roz: On the other hand, the Continuum concept shows that a baby benefits from constant physical contact.
Jack:.....We use the Ferber method.
Bernie: We used the Focker method. We hugged and kissed that little prince like there was no tomorrow. We Fockerized him.
So in conclusion, we Fockerize Addie plenty in the daytime...at night....Ferber is our man.
